Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
