So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
