jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
