The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
