I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
