Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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