im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
