Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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