i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
