she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
