oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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