dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
