Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
