so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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