Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
