Swine flu. Run for my life!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
