In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
