you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize