I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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