The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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