it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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