Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
