were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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