I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
