You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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