I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
