You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My feet surprised me
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
