I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I deserve this hangover.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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