i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
