so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
