Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Bring me that man meat
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize