Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
