Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
