he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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