Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
