I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
