like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
