Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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