Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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