OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
