Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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