you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Let's paint friendship bongs
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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