Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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