I didn't shave. On purpose
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize