I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
