Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
