After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
