Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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