so that wasnt chicken after all
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
