hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just forgot I was standing up.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
