Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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