so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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