At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
