when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
