i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
