I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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