i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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