shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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