mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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