So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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