She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
