You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
