I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
