farters have to be the big spoon...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
