All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
