i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
