I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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