There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
