Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
