To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
