i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
