You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
